May 29, 2010

A rough day

Yesterday was the first time in seven+ years that I felt disabled.

Between more blood pressure issues that caused stress and anxiety while I was driving (in the rain); frustration with my slow-to-recover left arm and how little I could do at yoga; insomnia, and general fatigue from the cold and wet weather, I actually felt handicapped.

It was mostly the dislocated elbow. But the cancer and treatment side effects added so much more to my whole day that I was full up to my eyes and fed up with everything. Even taking Ativan and only doing yoga breathing didn't help enough.

By the times yoga class was done, and I had eaten something, I realized that I should have turned around as soon as I felt poorly and gone home. But no, I'm too stubborn for that. I had to go to yoga, get some lunch, go to the market AND pick up RIk after school as planned. At least I had the presence of mind to cancel our dinner plans at Folklife.

I was such a poor judge of my own stamina and wellbeing that I took a second 0.5 mg Ativan in the car while waiting for Rik and let him drive. He was great. He carried in all the groceries, put them away, made up the bed with fresh sheets and let me take a nap there while he also fed and walked the dogs.

I slept more than two hours and awoke feeling more like myself, was able to prepare dinner and eat it, wrap my arm with the lymphedema bandaging, and even a read a little. Sleep really is an excellent healer for me and I am sure my middle of the night insomnia had a lot to do with my feeling lousy all day long.

Now the goal is not only to recognize when I feel poorly but to stop and listen to my body, then to go home if that's what's needed. Wish me luck on this. I get my stubbornness from both parents.

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