I wrapped my arm around 10 AM yesterday and stayed wrapped until just a few moments ago at 8 AM Sunday morning. There does seem to be some improvement, but not enough in my hand. My, did I suffer yesterday!
i went to synagogue bandaged and answered many annoying questions from well-meaning people who wanted to know if I was all right. I came home from shul and took my usual Shabbat nap. Had a snack, let the dogs out, and then decided I was too frustrated to go on.
I took some ativan and tried to continue reading my book. No impact -- I was still stressed and anxious even with 0.5 mg ativan on board. So at 6 PM I decided to get into bed and go to sleep. This is a pretty typical coping mechanism when I feel like life has given me more than I can handle.
I changed into pajamas, took some more ativan, and got into bed. I think I heard Rik come to bed around 11 PM. Some time in the middle of the night I had to use the bathroom, then took more ativan to get back to sleep. Woke up again around 4 with back ache, so took some vicodin to help relax. At 6 both dogs decided they had to go outside, so I got out of bed with them. Took another ativan to try to get back to sleep yet again. And at 7:50 AM I decided I'd had enough.
Since I don't have anything planned for today, I will try to bandage again for 20-22 hours. Unfortunately, this makes me incredibly cranky, anxious and tough to be around. Never mind that I won't be able to take down the sukkah, type, write, cook a meal, etc.
And if I need to do so again, I will go to bed at 6 PM to avoid taking out my bad mood on Rik.
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You know, I've read a great deal of material from cancer patients (impatients) who state something to the effect of "I was in a bad mood, but I'm entitled to it..." I've never felt like I was entitled to behave badly. Sometimes we do have bad days. Somedays, I do behave badly, but am so ashamed of myself later, because I don't believe cancer is carte blanche to make everyone around me miserable. It's nice to read about someone trying to cope and be considerate of others at the same time.
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