Last night I had a dream, very similar to an earlier cancer dream.
I was on the phone with an important business call when a couple of people in the room started to talk louder and louder. I asked them to move into another room, to lower their voices, but they just got noisier and noisier. Finally, one of the pair of noisy talkers took the phone from my hand and unplugged the cord. Imagine my frustration that I couldn't finish my conversation! I chased the talkers from the room, threatened to call the police, and tried to get my call back, all at the same time.
I think this is my chemo metaphor. I always said to the mets that if they misbehaved, I'd have to call in the big guns to zap them back into silence. Now it seems I feel they are taunting me. So I am going to take them seriously and bring out the first of the big guns -- the first chemo I've had since my original diagnosis in 1999.
Yes, I'm scared of moving from these relatively benign anti-estrogenic drugs that put me into early menopause, gave me hot flashes, and caused me to gain weight. In exchange, the side effects will be diarrhea and mouth sores, maybe some hair thinning. I'll be on a short tether to the infusion center (as well as potentially to the toilet). But I aim to bring all my cancer back to a quiescent state.