I hope you find this as funny as I did. A friend found it on the internet....
Things people say to cancer patients
"It might turn out to be a blessing in disguise."
Really? It's a freaking BRILLIANT disguise then. Because right now this blessing looks a lot like the second leading cause of death in the world today.
"We could all get killed crossing the street tomorrow -- you never know."
I agree that we have no idea how long we've got. But I'm pretty sure that cancer is a little more life threatening than crossing the street. Which would you rather face when you wake up tomorrow? Cancer or crossing the street ten times? I thought so.
"Breast cancer? It's a good one to get I've heard -- one of the better ones."
Good. Then let's hope you get it too. This is like telling you that it's good that it was your youngest son who got permanently disfigured because you liked him the least! Yes, there are worse cancers. But there are no good cancers.
"You'll be a better person for having gone through this."
Which means I'm an arsehole right now does it? I was actually quite happy being a cancer-free arsehole, thank you very much.
"You could step off the curb tomorrow and get hit by a bus."
Not a good analogy, it's like I already got hit by the bus and now its backing up over me.
"You gotta think positively."
OK, I'm positive I had cancer, and I'm positive it wasn't fun.
"You'll be fine."
"So, you're fine now, right?"
"My grandmother died of that."
"God gives you what you can handle."
"Can I see what is going on under that hat?"
"If anyone can beat it, it's you."
"If it's not your time, it's not your time."
Then why bother with the surgery and treatment?
"Life is not fair."
Thanks for the heads up.
"Every cloud has a silver lining."
"It's just a bump in the road."
Living with a cancer diagnosis, losing your hair, getting chemo, radiation, gaining weight, having hot flashes, being depressed and anxious is not a bump in the road -- it's a major mountain.
"You're lucky you didn't lose weight on chemo."
"You gotta be like Lance."
"Lance beat cancer."
"Just look at Lance."
"You look good bald."
"So, was the cancer bad?"
No, I had the good kind, remember?
"This is a treatable disease."
Have they found a treatment for your insensitivity yet?
"It's just hair."
It's only "just hair" when it's not yours.
"You know you can eat (fill in the blank), it's supposed to kill cancer cells."
Great tip, thanks.
"You'll be fine, you have a great attitude."
If attitude really matters then why did I get cancer in the first place? Or does attitude only matter after you get cancer? Right now my attitude about cancer is lousy. What does that mean?
"If you really want to live, you will. Just never give up. When people give up, they die."
"How do you know if it's working?"
If it doesn't work, I die.