Control

Although deep in my heart I know that control is truly an illusion, I am feeling more in control today than any day in the past ten. My pain is well-managed by the fentanyl patch, my mouth and throat are healing, and I have been able to talk and eat comfortably. Having to be silent because of pain in my mouth has been really hard on me!

We saw Dr G yesterday and he has decided to discontinue the Doxil completely. Instead, after my hands heal, he will start me on doxorubicin (Adriamycin). This is basically the same drug as Doxil, but not in the time-release formula that caused the hand-foot syndrome. I will continue to be at risk for mouth sores and other infections due to low white blood cell counts. Avoiding crowds, shaking hands and hugging people as well as frequent hand-washing during the nadir period will help keep me healthy. The "rubi" part of the name of this drug comes from its bright red color.

After Dr G. we enjoyed a delicious Mexican lunch at Galerias on Broadway. Then we went to my new support group at Swedish's Cancer Institute. Although we had to leave early for another appointment, I am enjoying this group and appreciate both the support I get and that I can offer to others, as someone who has lived with advanced cancer for eight years.

We left group early to see Dr Bufi the naturopath, who will keep me on the same supplements during the Adriamycin treatment: multivitamin, B6 complex, L-glutamine powder, calcium-magnesium and a digestive enzyme.

Although yesterday was a day full of medical appointments, I was pleased that I had the energy to get through them all and enjoy a romantic meal with Rik.