Today I was diagnosed with moderately severe depression and I start sertraline (Zoloft), an anti-depressant tomorrow morning. I also had an echocardiogram to discover if my heart is healthy enough to tolerate the Doxil.
I realized how fortunate I have been to have bone-only disease for the past seven and a half years which responded well to aromatase inhibitors and other anti-estrogenic, oral meds. How quickly I forgot that I felt well most of that time. (Aside from the pain of a broken leg, new bone mets, back pain...)
Chemo freaks me out and yet I read every day that so many of my mets-sisters manage to live well on it long term. Still, having Abraxane fail after only two months scares me.
This evening I suddenly realized that I have dealt with cancer for 20% of my life -- 11 years. I barely remember the other 80%: it flew by when I wasn't paying attention. Or maybe that's the depression talking.
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I hope the Zoloft works for you. It usually takes about two weeks for levels to stabilize in your system. I have been on Lexapro for several years and it has made a tremendous difference in my overall life. The episodes of depression still come, uninvited, but I'm better able to cope. You have faced so much in your life, dealing with the cancer and side effects of treatment. I admire your strength. Sending a smile your way :)
ReplyDeleteJill, Roxy is so right in acknowledging all that you have had to deal with over the past years. Very hard not to let it get to you at times.
ReplyDeletePray that the medication kicks in quickly, allowing you to get your life back on track.
Jill, I think that even before I was diagnosed with cancer, I found myself feeling as if 'I'd missed it', so to speak. My children had grown up and left to live on their own. Had I valued my time with them enough? I felt like I missed it. When I turned 50, I found myself feeling as if I'd missed my youth. I had been so involved with keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table...had I valued my youth enough? And when I looked cancer straight in the eye, I thought, 'Dear God, have I valued LIFE enough?' It's the way of it.
ReplyDeleteOn the plus side, I want to remind you that you have a wonderful life, and from everything that I've seen on your blog, you value that life, and the people in your life very much. That's why I read you. I think that you are very wise. I also think that you should get up each day, look in the mirror and say, 'I am wise. I know what is important'. Because it's the truth.
My very best prayers are for you at this moment.
I came over from Debby's site to offer you a big hug and a prayer. My prayer is that you have a good day today.
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