The Jewish Zodiac

This is too funny to not share. You'll find the list, complete with birth years, at the bottom of the post.

A Jew Walks Into This Chinese Restaurant
Posted on September 28, 2010 by Seth Front

People often ask me how I came up with the idea for the Jewish Zodiac and I tell them it all started at a Chinese restaurant.

I had been working on a screenplay at my office, struggling really, and it was just about noon and I had a hankering for Chinese food. So I went to my local Chinese restaurant and ordered lunch. As I waited for my Mongolian Beef to arrive I started reading the Chinese Zodiac placemat that served as my table setting. Then I looked around – most of the people in the restaurant were Jewish.

I said to myself “If they really want to cater to their audience, this should be a Jewish Zodiac placemat and not a Chinese one.” A Jewish Zodiac? What would a Jewish Zodiac be? It wouldn’t be Year of the Dragon or Year of the Ox. It would be Year of the Bagel and Year of the Lox. It would be deli food. And that’s when the light bulb went off, or should I say lightning bolt.

Now I don’t consider myself a deeply religious person, not in the traditional sense, but there have been a few times in my life when I’ve felt a connection to a higher power. And this was one of those times.

These moments – which I can count on one hand – have all occurred while in the creative process. I consider these “white light moments,” episodes when all sense of time and space dissolve and I suddenly tap into a higher source. During these times, I’ve felt like a conduit for ideas that seem to come from outside of myself and gracefully flow through me onto the page fully realized, as if from God, or a Muse, or the collective unconscious of the universe.

That’s how I felt when I came up with the Jewish Zodiac, or should I say when the Jewish Zodiac found me. Why me? Why not me! Who better than a rabbi’s son and comedy writer to create a deli food parody of the Chinese zodiac?

The creation of the Jewish Zodiac reminds me of something I learned in a Kabbalah class I once took. The teacher said, “God has already created everything in the Universe – he’s just waiting for Man (and Woman) to discover it.”

I think that’s true. And sometimes God has a way of finding us in the strangest of places, when we’re least expecting it.

Copyright 2010 The Jewish Zodiac, LLC.

Seth Front is the creator of the Jewish Zodiac®, a deli food parody of the Chinese zodiac, and a screenwriter (“Nickel and Dime”) who writes about his seriocomic Jewish life at blog.jewzo.com.

The Jewish Zodiac

The Year of:

CHICKEN SOUP
1907, 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
You're a healer, nourishing all whom you encounter. We feel better just being in your presence. Mothers want to bring you home to meet their children - resist this at all costs. Compatible with Bagel and Knish.

EGG CREAM
1908, 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
You've got a devious personality since you're made with neither eggs nor cream. Friends find your pranks refreshing; others think you're too frothy. Compatible with Blintz, who also has something to hide.

CHOPPED LIVER
1909, 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005
People either love you or hate you, making you wonder "What am I, chopped liver?" But don't get a complex; you're always welcome at the holidays! Bagel's got your back.

BLINTZ
1910, 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006
Creamy and dreamy, you're rightfully cautious to travel in pairs. You play it coy but word is that, with the right topping, you turnover morning, noon and night. Compatible with Schmear.

LATKE
1911, 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007
Working class with a grating exterior, you're a real softie on the inside. Kind of plain naked, but when dressed up you're a real dish. Compatible with Schmear's cousin Sour Cream.

BAGEL
1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008
You're pliable and always bounce back, although you feel something's missing in your center. If this persists, get some therapy. Compatible with Schmear and Lox...Latke and Knish, not so much.

PICKLE
1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009
You're the perfect sidekick: friends love your salty wit and snappy banter, but you never overshadow them. That shows genuine seasoning from when you were a cucumber. Marry Pastrami later in life.

SCHMEAR
1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010
You blend well with others but often spread yourself too thin. A smooth operator, you could use some spicing up now and then. Compatible with Bagel and Lox. Avoid Pastrami - wouldn't be kosher.

PASTRAMI
1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011
Brisket's hipper sibling, always smokin' and ready to party. You spice up life even if you keep your parents up at night. Compatible with Pickle, who's always by your side.

BLACK AND WHITE ICE CREAM SODA
1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012
Kids love you, but make up your mind! Are you black or white? Cake or cookie? You say you're "New Age," all yin & yang. We call it "bipolar." Sweetie, you're most compatible with yourself.

KNISH
1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013
Flaky on the surface, you're actually a person of depth and substance. Consider medical or law school, but don't get too wrapped up in yourself. Compatible with Pickle. Avoid Lox, who's out of your league.

LOX
1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014
Thin and rich, you're very high maintenance: all you want to do is bask in the heat, getting some color. Consider retiring to Boca. Compatible with Bagel and Schmear, although you top them both.