It seems that lately people have been telling me they find my story inspiring, or they admire how I cope with cancer, or they have in some other way put me on a pedestal. This makes me uncomfortable. Why?
I already feel somewhat isolated by having metastatic cancer. When people tell me they find me inspiring, it somehow makes me feel even more alone.
Although I have always seen the glass as half full, I also have low moments. If I feel that if you place me on a pedestal as The Amazing Cancer Coping Woman, I am reluctant to share my down times with you.
Today has been one of those days. I am STILL bandaging up to 23 hours a day, with no clear improvement. I have limited use of my left hand so can't catch up on the household chores, like ironing or making dinner. (I did manage to unload the dishwasher without breaking anything.) I want to lose a few more pounds but had no energy to make real food, so I had a coffee and cookies for lunch. I had lower back pain but didn't take anything until it was starting to drive me a little crazy. Now all I want to do is take a nap.
Sleep has become a coping mechanism. When I feel like I just can't deal with it any more, I go to sleep. At least my dogs like to nap with me. So I think I will crash now and hopefully wake refreshed.
That's me -- always hopeful.